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What’s the psychology of having a quarrel with her wife for several years?

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I never sell anxiety and sense of crisis

but it has to be said that less than 20% of men and women can get married together after breaking up, and less than 10% of them can finally get together for a long time

Why do many people feel uncomfortable and feel that love can’t go back in the face of the compound after breaking up

this is actually caused by the mentality of “loss aversion” in psychology


loss aversion, as the name suggests, means that people think that the pain caused by loss is more unacceptable when facing the same amount of benefits and losses. In the face of equal losses and benefits, the negative utility brought by losses is often 2.5 times of the positive utility

in other words, if you win 100 yuan in the lottery on the same day, you can’t make up for the pain of losing 100 yuan that day. You can’t be happy

this is the reason why dissatisfaction is causing trouble, which is still the case in gender relations. If you are a 6-point boyfriend in her heart before the breakup, but if you don’t reach 8 points or even higher after the compound, she will instinctively have a “dissatisfied” mentality in her heart, and will also have self doubt “is it a correct decision to compound with you”

although you are still you, you have not changed. However, after the compound relationship, both sides have potential improvement in their requirements for each other. This explains why when you get back together with your ex, you feel that love and life have become worse and worse

so many times, recombination is just a brief reunion. If there is no change and change in each other, then compounding is just a prelude to the next breakup

so what should we pay attention to when breaking up to avoid repeating the mistakes

01. Resumption
many people have such a misunderstanding: they think that once failed love should be completely turned over and no longer mentioned, and each other should restart a new relationship

there is nothing wrong with restarting a new relationship, but you ignore the contradictory causes that once led to the breakup, so the hidden danger of the second breakup is still there. Without completely cutting off the fuse that triggered the breakup, the contradictions caused by the same problems bring each other not only disappointment, but also despair

the second breakup triggered by despair also means “it’s difficult to get back together again” to a great extent

therefore, I suggest that you must do “redoing” after compounding, and the sooner you complete the redoing, the better

what is double offer

the second round is not to turn over the small accounts of each other, correct the past contradictions, and find out who is right and who is wrong. But the two sides analyze frankly and objectively: the motivation leading to the breakup, the existing emotional estrangement, and how to effectively resolve the “historical legacy” problems in the old relationship

the purpose of the resumption is to make effective communication between the two sides and check the contradictions still existing in each other’s hearts in the process of common reflection. At the same time, we can tolerate and compromise with each other, so as to avoid risks and prevent the relationship from repeating the same mistakes due to the same problems in this new relationship

02. Change
to be honest, after compounding, not only the other party’s love requirements will be improved, but also your own subconscious requirements for love will be improved

the sense of expectation drives people to hope that “the next relationship will be better than the previous one”, even if they restart a love relationship with the same person

so if you want a compound to maintain vitality and stability, what you need to do is to bring each other a better you. Similarly, a better you will also drive each other’s positive love behavior. After the combination, the feelings will not produce a sense of tastelessness and resistance, and each other’s life will naturally enter a virtuous circle

there are two kinds of change: external positive change and internal positive change

· external positive change

it has to be said that after compounding, the most direct way to get freshness from each other is the external image

compared with the new relationship, the biggest disadvantage of compound love is that they have seen each other’s worst appearance. In other words, most of the new ideas and strangeness have been consumed by each other, and there are less things that can be explored by each other

if there is nothing old to explore, we must know how to create new things to explore. The simplest and most direct way is to change the external image

people are creatures who “see the color and feel the meaning”. For old people, they still hope to see a different you from the outside, so as to stimulate their desire for exploration and freshness

therefore, improving your clothes, rationalizing self packaging and returning to a refined attitude towards life can not only make each other find the freshness of compounding with you, but also add more plasticity to each other’s future

· internal positive change

take a very simple example. If the other party is separated from you because of your depression and lack of motivation, if you still maintain this state after compounding, it will only take 30 days, and your relationship will crack again

the internal positive change plays a decisive role in how far we can go after recombination

so don’t think that everything will be fine after recombination and return to the original life state and rhythm, then your recombination will only be short-term and can’t be long-term

travel, fitness, reading, art, high-quality social activities and other positive changes can become your new attraction. These positive changes will let the other party see an unknown side. Even if you get back together, the other person is still full of the desire to explore and understand you

you will find that when you get back together, you become a better person from within and live the way you want to be in each other’s eyes. Then the previous breakup is just a small episode on each other’s road. A high-quality and progressive you will make each other more dependent and trusted

03. Imbalance of rights
if this love is a compound that is paid by the Redeemer and returned after secondary pursuit, the most likely thing to happen is the imbalance of rights after compound

in other words, in a new love relationship, the Redeemer is automatically in the low emotional position, while the redeemed party is in the high emotional position

people in high positions think that “since you took the initiative to save me, you naturally have to pay more”. The people who stand in the low position think that “this relationship is hard won, so they will never say a word where they can tolerate it”

the initial imbalance of rights is slight and not obvious. However, once we fail to adjust each other’s emotional status, the imbalance of rights will become more and more serious, which will eventually lead to one party’s continuous demand and the other party’s continuous giving and concession

when the low position person can retreat, the natural emotion will come to the verge of collapse again

therefore, after compounding, we should straighten out the mentality of “equal partner” and find a stable balance between the payment and demand of both sides

even as a Redeemer, you should know how to pay rationally and how to say “no” in the face of the strong demands of the other party. As a redeemed person, don’t have an inexplicable sense of superiority because “the other party takes the initiative to ask you for compound”. After compound, you should also know how to enjoy the right of love and fulfill your due lov
e obligations accordingly

only in this way can our feelings return to the right track of life

04. Planning love
for compound couples, they should not only enjoy the feeling of love reunited at the moment, but also try to plan the way out of love on the road of the future

we should understand that compound is not the purpose, but walking together is

without future feelings, the current recombination is just a buffer for each other’s lives, and such a buffer is actually useless except wasting each other’s time and energy

therefore, after recombination, we should be each other’s in-depth partners. The topics between the two sides should not be confined to the current daily necessities, but focus on the poetry and distance of love. So try to understand each other’s values and explain their own aspirations and plans for future life

career development, economic status and short-term life planning are all issues to be considered by couples after compound. Because now that they have made up their minds to choose to be together again, it is necessary to plan the long-term and future path of this relationship

don’t think that the future is still a long way to go, so we have shelved communication about future plans for a long time. You know, if you want a relationship to go long, first of all, for both sides, you need this relationship to be full of “running”, so that each other can calmly face the ups and downs of the future and go hand in hand to the future

if both sides have a “step-by-step” mentality, the feelings after this combination will be “bottomless” in each other’s hearts. Therefore, any small storm is enough to affect the already unstable love between each other

finally, I’d like to give you a word

people say that you won’t know what you’ll live forever until you lose it. In fact, you always know what you have, but you never thought you would lose it

recovery from loss is the most wonderful thing in life. Don’t fix the result on gain and loss because of your childishness and recklessness.

under this difficult choice, I think about it and have trouble sleeping and eating. The so-called quarrel and hate with his wife for several years, the key is how to write the quarrel and hate with his wife for several years. Why did it happen that I quarreled with my wife for several years? We have to face a very embarrassing fact, that is, Hegel once mentioned that what obligations limit is not freedom, but only freedom. However, my understanding of this sentence is insufficient. We all know that as long as it is meaningful, it must be carefully considered
in life, if quarrel and resentment with wife appear for several years, we have to consider the fact that it appears. However, even so, the appearance of quarreling and hating with his wife for several years still represents a certain significance. After the above discussion, in this inevitable conflict, we must solve this problem. To sum up, in this difficult choice, I think about it and have trouble sleeping and eating. Personally, fighting with my wife for several years is not only a major event, but also may change my life. In this way, generally speaking, it seems a coincidence to quarrel and hate with your wife for several years, but if we look at the problem from a larger perspective, this seems to be an inevitable fact. Everyone has to face these problems. In the face of this problem, Shakespeare said a famous saying that time is like a flattering host. For a passing guest, he only shook hands with him slightly, but for a new guest, he stretched out his arms and flew to embrace him; Welcome is always smiling, and farewell is always with a sigh. This sentence, like a tattoo, deeply pierced the bottom of my heart. With these questions, let’s take a look at the quarrel and hatred with our wife for several years. To sum up, anonymous put their life experience together

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